he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
