chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
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in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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