So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
