Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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