What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
