i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
