My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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