GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
