gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
