is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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