I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
