I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
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If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize