I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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