She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
