Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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