On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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