Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I have aggressive nipples.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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