How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
