How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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