it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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