SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
