I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
