I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize