i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
