how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
