i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
