o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
