I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
