I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
