i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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