I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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