I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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