I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
