well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
