Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
