I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
