the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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