She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
