Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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