Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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