how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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