Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
