how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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