Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
