i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
