there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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