I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
