You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
