he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize