Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
