im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
