My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
