i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
