Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
