Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We just shotgunned beers for America
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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