oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
