he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
