I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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