Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
