I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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