i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
