I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
