Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
