After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I wear drunk well.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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