1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
