i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
