What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
