My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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