that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
