I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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