I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
