Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
