Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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