you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
