This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
