franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
