He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
