so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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