I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
