Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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