Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
