found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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