Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
