Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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